The Lessons Motherhood Has Taught Me

The lessons motherhood has taught me over the past four years have changed me immensely. Before beginning this journey, I thought I had a good grasp of who I was as a person. Some of the lessons motherhood has taught me have exposed that I did not know my self as well as I thought I did. In many instances, I didn’t give myself enough credit. There are also some instances where I may have given myself too much. Motherhood has brought me face to face with some of the most joyous and painful moments in my life. All of the lessons motherhood has taught me have made me the woman I am today.

10 Lessons Motherhood Has Taught Me

Motherhood is hard

This one should go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway. Motherhood is hard. For me, It was hard from the minute it began. The most challenging part for me is not being a mother, but the transition to motherhood. The difficulty of the transition wasn’t something that I could genuinely grasp before becoming a mom. It was very challenging for me to go from being the only person dependent on my success to a life where every decision I make impacts the lives of those around me. THAT IS CRAZY PRESSURE.

Though it is a lot of pressure, not all pressure is negative. I choose to rise to the occasion every single day. Everything I do and every decision I make is with my children in mind. I know that they depend on me, and I also know that they are watching me. That good pressure guides my decisions and actions.

I am stronger than I ever knew

I always viewed myself as a strong person, but I didn’t realize how strong I was until my son Deuce was born two months early. Deuce is a 33-week preemie. Being born prematurely resulted in him needing to stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for 31 days. Watching your baby fight for their life for days on end requires a level of strength that I did not know that I had. I hope none of you ever have to experience. However, if you do, know that you are stronger than you know. I take my hat off to any mother that has had the NICU experience. When you couple the NICU experience with physically healing from a c-section, the whole thing becomes a double whammy. I have never been so tired, in so much physical pain, and still have the mental dexterity to tune in to make decisions for my baby. I could barely walk, but I was in and out of the NICU every one of the 31 days my baby was there, advocating for him tirelessly. The reality is, we are as strong as we have to be.

I am the mom my children need (and you are the mom your children need).

Following up on the previous experience, I also learned that I am the mother that my children need. There are several examples of this in both of their lives. One example is when my son was in the NICU. While he was there, I asked a ton of questions. I inquired about his progress from the doctors and nurses. I challenged them on things I did not understand or did not agree with. I refused to take a passive stance as it related to his care. Yes, they are doctors, and they know medicine, but I am his mother, and I know him. Great doctors and my advocacy (and my husband’s advocacy) on his behalf led to my child receiving the best possible care that he could receive, and him ultimately coming home. I did not have any of these experiences with my daughter Annalise. Before having this experience, I had no clue about having a hospitalized child or the process and procedures he would go through. What I did know was that I needed to learn and familiarize myself with his conditions and the NICU experience. Instinctively, I knew that this was what Deuce needed from me as his mother and again, I rose to the occasion.

The ability to prioritize

Before having my first child Annalise, I was a college cheerleading coach. I loved it. I enjoyed helping my team train and learn new skills. I loved being able to mentor the students I served. I spent most of my free time with my cheerleaders at practice and games. Once Annalise was born, that changed. It wasn’t that cheerleading was no longer relevant to me, but it did not hold the same place in my heart that it held previously. I no longer wanted to spend my free time at the gym, developing cheerleaders. I wanted to spend my free time with my daughter developing her skills. I spent 4-years extremely dedicated to the sport of cheerleading and walked away from it easily once Annalise was born.

There is no “right way” to be a mom

There are a lot of people in your life and on the internet that will tell you the right way to parent your child. They are wrong. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO BE A MOM. There are no handbooks. As we all know, children do not come with directions. We all do the best that we can with the resources we have. What may work for one mom and her family may be a terrible idea for you and your family. Take all of the advice that people give you about motherhood with a grain of salt. Examine the information, determine why it was offered in the first place, and reflect on if it would be a good fit for you and your family. If it is, adopt it. If it isn’t, thank them for the advice and move on from it.

Seeing the world through a new lens

By nature, I typically fall somewhere between being a realist and pessimist on the outlook spectrum. However, since becoming a mom, I tend to see things a lot more optimistically. Children are the ultimate optimists. My daughter always sees the best in people and every situation. It is hard not to view situations through that lens when you are around children constantly. I find now that it is easier for me to see the glass as half-full.

The importance of my words aligning with my actions

Whew! This is a big one. Before having children, I generally thought that my words and actions aligned. However, after having children, I understand why it is essential that they ALWAYS align. Plainly stated, children, will call you out if they do not. I always want to be the best example for my kids. One way I do this is by teaching them the importance of being who they say they are and doing what they say they will do. They learn this by watching me model that behavior. They know when I say something, I mean it. They can trust that what I say to them is true and that I always follow through on my word. At this point, I am very thoughtful about the things I say and any promises I make to and around my children. I want to make sure that that I am modeling the behavior I want to see.

The skill of picking my battles

Picking your battles is a skill that every mom needs to hone for sanity’s sake. I thought I mastered the art of this skill in marriage, but children take this concept to a whole new level. While I want to make sure my children are well behaved, I would literally lose my mind if I chose to intervene or correct them every time they decided to do things their way. Now there are some things that I will always call them out on, namely safety issues and disrespect. Occasionally, I will let other mishaps slide because my sanity is more important than a correction at that moment.

The beauty of natural consequences

Oh, natural consequences! I love them as they relate to parenting. I can tell my daughter all day that if she continues to waste time when she is supposed to be getting ready, that we will be late. It is not until we cannot attend something that she wants to go to due to her wasting time getting ready that this concept really sinks in.

Another way that I allow natural consequences to take their course is when they make a mess. If they make a mess, they clean it up (this is more so for my 4-year old). My husband and I try to encourage our daughter to takeout one toy at a time, play with it, then clean it up before beginning with a new toy. She sometimes doesn’t listen, and it looks like a toy box exploded in her room. There was a time when I would jump in to help her clean it up, especially if we had other plans. I don’t do that anymore. If she makes the mess, then she is responsible for cleaning it up. She definitely huffs, puffs, and complains. However, more often than not, she now thinks twice about pulling out every toy she owns at once. Stop fussing with your children until you’re blue in the face. Allow natural consequences to take their course.

Unconditional Love is the Best Gift I Have Ever Received or Given

As someone who has great parents, I thought I had an excellent grasp on the concept of unconditional love. Now that I have children, I view unconditional love so much differently. Loving someone unconditionally changes you. I love them more than I love myself, and if I am honest, that is feeling I never thought I would have. I would willingly go without having something I need before allowing them to go without. I want to be better so that they can have better. It’s a little surreal how much they motivate me.

On the flip side, receiving love from them is also surreal. Even when I am at my worse, they still see me as being at my best. I could have just disciplined one of them, and a few minutes later, they are showering me with kisses, and “I love yous.” My children always have a kind word or a hug to offer me. It doesn’t matter what is going on in my world or theirs. I am so appreciative to be able to experience this type of love.

These are the lessons that motherhood has taught me. What lessons has motherhood taught you? Please comment below.