Things I Wish I Knew Before Baby Number 2
I was 2.5 years into motherhood when baby number 2 was born. I had just gotten out of the baby stage with Annalise. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about taking care of and raising a baby. Boy, was I wrong! Though some things apply to all children (they all eat, sleep, and poop), each child is different. Another huge factor to consider is that the second time around, you have to account for the fact that you have an older child in addition to the newborn. You have to take care of the older child and you have to do all of the tasks that come along with a new baby. It’s a juggling act like you have never experienced. Additionally, every time a new person becomes a part of your family, your family dynamics change.
Here are some things I wish I’d known before baby number 2:
Not all pregnancies are the same
My first pregnancy was hard! I was super sick with my daughter from 6 weeks into the pregnancy until the day she was born. I threw up between 5-6 times a day, every day, for the first 6 months. My hair fell out, my skin broke out, and I experienced swelling everywhere. I was traumatized by my first pregnancy. The experience made me second guess if I wanted more children.
My experience with baby number 2 was very different. I was only sick during the first trimester, and not nearly as ill as I had been with my daughter. After the first trimester, I felt great! My hair grew down my back, and I was glowing. I also had a lot more energy during the second pregnancy.
Not all births are the same
Both of my children opted for a dramatic entrance into the world, but they did it very differently. Toward the end of my pregnancy with my daughter, my blood pressure started to rise. Once I hit the 37-week mark, my doctors decided that the best course of action was to induce me. I thought this would be a quick process. IT WASN’T! I was in labor for 46 hours before my doctor said, “If you don’t deliver within the hour, you will have a c-section.” Needless to say, she arrived one hour later (click here to experience Annalise’s birth story).
My son entered this world under very different circumstances. Though I felt better during the pregnancy with my son, I was not as healthy on the inside. My blood pressure started to rise much earlier in this pregnancy. I went to an OBGYN appointment at the end of my 32nd week of pregnancy and I was hospitalized because of my high blood pressure. Two days later after what seemed like a whirlwind of events, I had a baby by emergency c-section. I was due on April 6th, but my son was born on February 17th at 33 weeks.
Juggling two is more challenging than juggling one
I thought I had this mom thing under control until Deuce arrived. My first taste of this was when Deuce was born but had to stay in the NICU. It was challenging for me to juggle and balance what I knew Deuce needed from me at the hospital, and what I knew Annalise needed from me at home. I split my time between the NICU and my home, but felt guilty in both spaces. Even though my husband was supporting me every step of the way through this transition, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for either child.
I thought things would get easier when he came home, and they did. Though all of the chores that come along with having a child doubled, such as doing laundry and meal preparation. The good things are increased too. You get double the hugs, double the cuddles, and double the kisses. You also give and receive double the love, and that feeling is unmatched!
There is no sleep – for anyone
I thought that I was sleep deprived after one baby, but I soon got a wake-up call. With two babies at home, no one in the house slept. With just Annalise, my husband and I would take turns responding to her cries in the wee hours of the morning, while the other person slept. Once Deuce arrived, one child would often wake up the other. This meant that we both had to get up to put our children to sleep. This is one aspect of the newborn phase that I don’t miss.
As they got older, things have gotten better. If I am honest, Deuce is a much better sleeper than Annalise. He started sleeping through the night at 3-months old. My daughter did not reach that milestone until she was 10-months old! At this point, we are all getting excellent sleep.
Older sibling regression is a thing
I remember going to a doctor’s appointment for Annalise when I was about 6 months pregnant with Deuce. As soon as her doctor saw my belly, she told me to watch out for regressions from Annalise. For some reason, I really didn’t think this would be an issue for us. Annalise had always been mature for her age. Wrong again!
Annalise, who had been speaking in full sentences before the age of two, was now using baby talk instead of words. Prior to the baby, she was in the potty-training process. All progress was loss as soon as Deuce came home! Before the baby was born, Annalise had begun to exit the tantrum phase. As soon as we brought Deuce home, the tantrum phase was back in full swing, and she was having meltdowns at least twice a week. As a baby, she never took a pacifier. However, I would catch her on various occasions with Deuce’s pacifier in her mouth, pretending to be a baby.
Watching siblings’ bond is beautiful
I don’t think I had a real appreciation for the bond siblings have until I had my second child. I am an only child and did not grow up with that experience. Truth be told, I was anxious about how Annalise would adjust to her new brother. I was afraid that she would be jealous and would not embrace him. She did the opposite. She wanted (and still wants) to do everything for her brother. She thinks he’s “her baby,” and she refers to him in that way. When he was younger, she picked out his clothes, sang to him, and helped to hold his bottle. These days, she is very interested in teaching him new things like the games and songs she learns at school.
As he has gotten older, they still continue to grow close to one another. They play with one another. They jump to each other’s defense. They genuinely look out for each other, and get angry if someone or something upsets the other. It’s a beautiful thing to watch in children so young.
You can love your second child as much as your first
Can I be honest with you guys? This one scared me. I loved my daughter so much that I couldn’t imagine loving another child as much as I loved her. While I was pregnant with Deuce, I was saddened that Annalise would no longer have my undivided attention. But, guess what I learned; your heart grows. That’s the thing about love. If you open yourself up to it, it opens back up to you. I love both of my children as much as it is humanly possible to love a person.
These were some of the things I wish I knew before baby number 2. What do you wish you had known? Comment below.
Sounds like you are doing a great job! I remember thinking how tough it was when we just had one…but then #2 arrived and that was life changing. It was double-duty all the time. What’s funny is that now that we have four (all boys!), I actually found the transition from 2 to 3 and even 3 to 4 to be much easier than the change from 1 to 2!
Wow! That’s interesting. We have had some conversation about a possible number 3 (still undecided). It’s good to hear that the transition may not be as jarring as this one was.
I had the same feelings as you when I went from 1 to 2 haha …you’re doing great!
Thanks! I am sure you are too.
Tiffany! Firstly, this was such a great and informative but easy to read blog. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences. I always hear having the first baby is tough but going from 1 to 2 is even more challenging. I learned a lot from your blog, especially about the older sibling regression and having to wake up to but both children back to bed. Whew! I appreciate you sharing the details about receiving double the affection. I know that makes it all worth it ♥️
Thank you for your kind words. Going from not having children to having children was a difficult adjustment, but I expected it. I think the adjustment to having two children really caught me off guard because I wasn’t expecting the adjustment to be that crazy.
Siblings rivalry is a thing, I remember having it with my sisters even through teenage years. Glad you are getting good sleep now. And you are right if you open yourself for love your heart grows
Yes! It literally blows my mind how one moment they are at each other’s necks and then the next moment they are loving on each other.
I’m not ready for baby #2 anytime soon sis!!! But i would like to have a girl eventually. These are great tips for mothers expecting #2! Or even more
Thank you. Every new baby alters the family’s dynamic. I am glad that you thought this information was useful.
I am going to bookmark this I so needed this info
Such a true article! However, the good news is: the switch from 1 to 2 is the hardest. After that it’s just another new person to hangout with…at least until the preteen years.
Let’s hope so, lol. My husband wants a third. I can’t imagine having this big of an adjustment again.
These are all the things I learned with having our second baby too! Spot on, mama! And it has held true for numbers 3, 4, and 5 too!